Cards..

I have an obsession for funny cards. I can't buy just one. The problem lies mainly in the fact that I can't make a decision...when it comes to cards. I have been known to give someone more than one card. I have a group of girly~friends that go out for lunch for our birthdays. The Rule is NO gifts only cards, ONLY silly cards....bordering on naughty.

So today we are meeting for Rebecca's birthday at my favorite restaurant in this city, The Green Well. I've been saving up the calories for this lunch...since, well since breakfast this morning. Sorry I am not a good calorie counter person.

I went to the Hallmark Store last night to get a card. Of course I found one for many other friends as well. And of course ended up sitting on the floor in front of the cards, snorting and practically crying cause I was laughing so hard. I was alone. I know.....mortifying. That's me. I'm pathetic. Get me in a card store and it's pure embarrassment for my children. My daughter was smart she chose to linger in the "teeny~bopper" store.

Now I can't decide which one to give my gal. Will you help me?

#1

Kinda naughty...but not too bad.

#2

LOVE this one. Good Golly Miss Molly...I would definitely wear a bucket on my head.

#3

Can you say...HELP me Lord to never do this?! Have I done this? Hoping not, making note to not talk about my sinuses or bladder to total strangers.

#4

BACON! Am I the only one that can appreciate this card?

#5

This one is for my brother-n-law. MMMhmmm...you think we haven't noticed.

#6

Need I say more?

#7

Huh? What?

#8

I will not print the punch line for this card, for fear it might offend any flatulent~phobic readers. I have the perfect friend in mind for this card. You know who you are.

#9

Yes Myrtle! You ROCK!

#10

This is my all time FAVORITE card. I have given it at least 3 times.

Good Golly, I about pee myself every time I read it. Arm dangle makes me giggle.....Ahahaha~snort~snot~snertk!

There they are, all 10. Which one is your favorite? Can you guess which one I might give?

Hope you have a good laugh today...maybe you should head on over to your nearest card aisle.

It's true laughter IS good for what ails ya!

Posted 3/23: I picked #1 !

MONKEY bread

It was a busy week last week, both my boys had birthdays! Sandwiched between Christmas and New Year that makes for ALOT of eating and celebrating! I try to spoil my kids rotten when it comes to what they want to eat on "their day". Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.....the skies the limit. Tuesday was Luke's birthday he turned 11, he requested homemade donuts for breakfast, and fried chicken for dinner. Like I said, "the skies the limit". So when Noah (14), who's birthday was Thursday, said he would like Monkey Bread for his birthday breakfast, and take-out pizza for dinner. I kissed him, and hugged him, and thanked him, until he said, "MOM alright already!"

This recipe is so easy EVEN a monkey could make it! I love my Monkey Chef!

Monkey Bread

printable recipe

3 cans of Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits

2 sticks of butter

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup of granulated sugar

3 teaspoons cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Melt 2 sticks of butter in saucepan with 1/2 cup of brown sugar, over medium heat. Stir until the butter and the sugar have become one, this takes about 3 minutes. Remove from heat.

Add 1 cup of granulated sugar and 3 teaspoons of ground cinnamon to a 1 gallon Zip-loc bag, toss it around so the sugar and the cinnamon become one.

Now take your cans of biscuits, and peel back the paper on the can that allows you to let the biscuits out of their tubular dwelling. Now here is where things get scary....if you're jumpy like me. It NEVER fails, when that can pops and the biscuits Boing out of their tubular home, I ALWAYS jump. AH! Why is that. I know it's gonna pop, I know it's just biscuits. But I always jump.

Confession: I jump when the biscuit can pops open. It ain't gonna change people.

Sorry, you can leave now and never come back if having revealed my freaky character to you is totally disturbing. I understand.

So after I jump and yelp "AH!", I then take the biscuit dough and divide each biscuit into 2 or 3 parts. I like to mix it up. Give the bread some textural variety. Some pieces will be more caramelly and others will be more bready, if you do it with varied size pieces of dough. Or if you like things orderly and you want all your pieces the same size then that works too!

Toss the divided pieces of biscuit dough into the sugar. I do one can at a time. Zip up the bag give it a shake, then I add the next can of biscuits, until all three cans have been added and shaken and completely deliciously covered with cinnamon sugar.

I use a nonstick Bundt pan.....you can use any ring shaped pan. Dump the entire contents of the biscuit dough and cinnamon sugar into the pan. No need to grease the pan.

LUVerly!

Now whisk 1 teaspoon of vanilla into the brown sugar and butter mixture.

Pour evenly over the biscuits. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 35 minutes. Remove from oven, and let rest for 5 minutes, then place a plate that is at least 2-3 inches wider in circumference on top of pan and invert your Monkey Bread onto the dish.

VOILA!

Delicious OOOey, gooEY Monkey Bread. Fit for any birthday breakfast! Or really any day of the week.

Enjoy!

DOUGHnuts

I think I have shared with you that I totally spoil my kids on their birthdays...when it comes to food that is. A few days ago my oldest daughter turned in her menu. Here it is:

Breakfast: home made doughnuts

Lunch: YesterDog (local dive that has crazy good chili dogs)

Dinner: Penne Alla Betsy (Pioneer Woman recipe)

Birthday Cake: Triple Chocolate Bundt Cake (will share this recipe someday....hopefully soon)

I thought not bad, I can do this. Only thing is I have never made homemade doughnuts. My mom used to make them all the time. I sat and watched and devoured, but I never actually have done it myself. So I dug out my moms doughnut recipe which is called New England Doughnuts. Why New England? Not sure...cause I am pretty sure non of us ever lived in New England. I think I am just going to call them Doughnuts. Or I could call them Fat Balls, that's what the local bakery calls my favorite doughnut in their display. I always hate saying"two fat balls please". But I do it anyway......

You will need these ingredients to make zee doughnuts!

Doughnuts

printable recipe

1/4 cup Crisco

1 cup sugar

2 eggs

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup mashed potatoes (no salt or butter added)

4 cups flour

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1 cup buttermilk or sour milk

approximately 4 cups of grease for frying (Crisco melted or vegetable oil)

You will need to start by boiling some potatoes. Yes I said potatoes. This is the hidden, secret ingredient. It's fabulous I promise. It cuts down on the fat in the dough, making these doughnuts low-cal. Not really, but I like to think that way. You will need one cup of mashed potatoes, no salt or butter added.

Blend the Crisco, sugar, salt, and eggs together well or very good.

I hate to tell you this....you are going to have to haul out your sifter and sift all the dry ingredients together......if you don't have one, well....umm then just forget I said anything about sifting.

Plop in the mashed taters.

Blend this together with your mixer for 3-5 minutes. Pick out any pesky lumps of potato that refuses to be squished into this lovely dough.

Alternate adding the sifted ingredients and the buttermilk to the sugar mixture. The dough will be very sticky...that's OK, it will all be glorious...I promise. Just flour your counter...with lots of flour at least 3/4 of a cup.

There it is the dough ball. PLOP! Yup plop-her right on down on the bed of flour. Get your hands all floury and then pat it down into a round.....like so....

about a 1/2 inch thick, more or less.

Now you want to prepare your toppings. I got all crazy and did four. Cinnamon Sugar, Powdered Sugar, Traditional Glaze, and Chocolate Glaze. Printable Glaze Recipes here.

You don't have to do all this. The Powdered Sugar were the simplest and they were the favorite...well next to the chocolate...I cannot tell a lie. I was trying to make it simple for you.

Now get your oil hot. 375 degrees. Or you can just to the dough ball test=take a pinch of dough plop it in there if it fizzles and floats to the top you are ready to fry your doughnuts, if it does nothing and sinks to the bottom...well then my friend you need to turn up the heat or wait a few more minutes and try the dough ball trick again.

I don't have a doughnut cutter thing-a-ma-jig. I just have these biscuit cutters, I ended up using the one to the far right. It made the cutest little doughnuts EVER!

Here they are all waiting to get fried....see I tried to make a traditional doughnut up there on the top...but, it was lame.

There they are zee leetle ballz of dough floating around in zee hot greze. I don't know why I am talking with zee French accent...it just seems like a goood sing to du.

Give the doughnuts a flip. You can flip them a couple times. Back and forth.

Until they are golden brown and have cooked for at least 3 minutes.

There is the set up. Pan with lots of paper towel for draining. Toppings in the background. then the rack set up for the finished doughnuts. Let the doughnuts drain for a minute, roll them around a bit to get all the access grease off.

Then dip and roll and dunk and smear all the good stuff on them.

WOW, if I may brag......I don't think anyone would ever have known that this was my first doughnut making experience. The only big flub was the last 8 doughnuts I was not patient enough and they were not done on the inside...bummer.

There is the HAPPY Birthday girl. That smile makes this mess worth it 100x over!

Thats just part of the mess....the stove top was beyond photographing.

There is the inside. Perfectly, tender and cakey. Very moist! They were just as I remembered as a kid. I was worried they wouldn't be. I hate that when you have this memory of something and then you go there or you make it and eat it and it's not at all like you remembered. Not so with these lil pillows of perfection. Delicious...if I may say so myself.

Enjoy!